Wednesday, October 15, 2014

A post which accepts a certain amount of drinking, and even drunkenness, on Simchas Torah, but warns against overdoing it

Barf! huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
Barf! huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again, y'all

Barf! huh, Gevalt!
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Ohhh, Barf, I reprove
Because it means destruction
Of innocent booze

Barf means tears
When mothers view the muddle
With their sons face down
In a single-malt puddle

I said, Barf! huh
Gevalt, y'all
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

Barf! Gevalt!
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf! it ain't nothing
But a tragedy
Barf, friend only to the distillery
Ooooh, Barf
It's an enemy to all Yid-kind
The point of barf blows my mind
Barf has caused unrest
Within the younger generation
Engorgement then disgorgement
Who wants to barf
Aaaaah, barf-huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it, say it, say it
Barf! huh
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf, huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
Barf, huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again y'all
Barf! huh, Gevalt
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf, it ain't nothing but bad for Jewry
Barf, it's got one friend
That's the brewery
Ooooh, barf has shattered
Many a young man's seuda
Made him discolored, bitter and putrid
Yom Tov is much too short and precious
To spend unconscious these days
Barf can't give simcha
It can only take it away

Ooooh, Barf! huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

Barf, whoa, Gevalt
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf, it ain't nothing but bad for Jewry
Barf, friend only to the brewery
Simcha, joy and moderation
Tell me, is there no place for them today
They say we must binge to have our simcha
Hashem knows there's got to be a better way

Ooooooh, Barf! huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
You tell me
Say it, say it, say it, say it

Barf, huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
Stand up and shout it
Nothing

Gut Yom Tov!

Friday, October 03, 2014

Yom Kippur

Gemar Chasimah Tovah!

Easy Fast!


Here is "Yom Kippur in a Nutshell" from chabad.org:
Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year--the day on which we are closest to G‑d and to the quintessence  of our own souls. It is the Day of Atonement -- "For on this day He will forgive you, to purify you, that you be cleansed from all your sins before G‑d" (Leviticus 16:30).

For twenty-six hours--from several minutes before sunset on Tishrei 9 to after nightfall on Tishrei 10--we "afflict our souls": we abstain from food and drink, do not wash or anoint our bodies, do not wear leather shoes, and abstain from marital relations.

Before Yom Kippur we perform the Kaparot atonement service; we request and receive honey cake, in acknowledgement that we are all recipients in G-d's world and in prayerful hope for a sweet and abundant year; eat a festive meal, immerse in a mikvah, and give extra charity. Late afternoon we eat the pre-fast meal, following which we bless our children, light a memorial candle as well as the holiday candles, and go to the synagogue for Kol Nidrei services.

In the course of Yom Kippur we hold five prayer services: Maariv, with its solemn Kol Nidrei service, on the eve of Yom Kippur; Shacharit--the morning prayer; Musaf, which includes a detailed account of the Yom Kippur Temple service; Minchah, which includes the reading of the Book of Jonah; and Ne'illah, the "closing of the gates" service at sunset. We say the Al Chet confession of sins eight times in the course of Yom Kippur, and recite Psalms every available moment.

The day is the most solemn of the year, yet an undertone of joy suffuses it: a joy that revels in the spirituality of the day and expresses the confidence that G-d will accept our repentance, forgive our sins, and seal our verdict for a year of life, health and happiness. When the closing Ne'illah service climaxes in the resounding cries of "Hear O Israel... G-d is one" and a single blast of the shofar, followed by the proclamation, "Next year in Jerusalem." Then joy erupts in song and dance (a Chabad custom is to sing the lively "Napoleon's March"), followed by the festive after-fast meal, making the evening after Yom Kippur a Yom Tov (festival) in its own right.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

(North) Korean News: "Pyongyang in Ecstasy of Joy at Asian Games News"

A little "deep care" from the "supreme leader" works wonders:
Sportspersons of the DPRK are registering admirable successes at the ongoing 17th Asian Games. They won eight gold medals as of Sept. 27.

Their achievements have lashed the citizens in Pyongyang and other parts of the country into a great jubilee.

Jong Su Chol, a department chief of Korea University of Physical Education, told KCNA that the world public is struck with admiration at the progress of the DPRK's sports, which is rapidly developing under the deep care of supreme leader Kim Jong Un.

Expecting more gold medals to be taken at the Asian Games, Tong Tae San, a general officer of the Korean People's Army, said:

"We, servicepersons mobilized in the construction of Wisong Scientists Street, are all delighted at the happy news of our players at the Asian Games.

The looks of our sportspersons raising the DPRK flag with playing of national anthem at the games encourage us to work greater feats in the street construction."

Hwang Tong Chol, an official of the Kumgang Guidance Bureau, said:

"What arouse my wife's greater interest are our sportswomen's results at the games. She got mad with joy at the news that DPRK women's football team beat its Vietnamese rival 5:0 in its first match. When our sportswomen bagged four gold medals, she declared that women are better than men.

I, too, wanted to dance for joy at the news that Jong Hak Jin and Kim Ji Song took gold medals in the wake of weightlifters Om Yun Chol and Kim Un Guk, who set world records. And I'd love to extend thanks to those sportspersons for having added brilliance to the honor of the country and given vigor and pleasure to my family."

Ri Kuk Il, a student of Kim Chaek University of Technology, said that the main topic of conversation among university students at present is news of the Asian Games, about DPRK men's and women's football teams which respectively advanced into quarterfinals and semifinals in particular.
Think they can stand all that joy? I guess they're used to it.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Fars News: "BBC Fails to Steal Iran's Official Archives"

You may have noticed that I don't have a great deal of time for Judeopundit these days. However, it is worth noting that my archives now document a large number of choice examples of conspiracist rantings from the Iranian Press. One example is a Fars News article from 2011 explaining that "Basically, BBC is not a media, rather it is an organization in disguise which has a Baha'i-Zionist nature with political-intelligence missions." That still has a nice insane ring to it, doesn't it? Further, it provides some background to this current offering from Fars: "BBC Fails to Steal Iran's Official Archives":
The Iranian Intelligence Ministry foiled an attempt by the BBC's Persian Service to steal Iran's artistic, historical and cultural documents.

"The BBC tried to steal historical documents from Iran's center of archived documents through its agents in the country, but the attempt was foiled due to the vigilance of the intelligence ministry," the ministry's public relations department announced on Sunday.

The Intelligence Ministry further added that it will release further details in future.
I hope the nefarious BBC doesn't try to steal my archives.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Rosh Hashanah


What is this Rosh Hashanah business anyway?
The festival of Rosh Hashanah --the name means "Head of the Year" --is observed for two days beginning on Tishrei 1, the first day of the Jewish year. It is the anniversary of the creation of Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, and their first actions toward the realization of mankind's role in G-d's world.

Rosh Hashanah thus emphasizes the special relationship between G-d and humanity: our dependence upon G-d as our creator and sustainer, and G-d's dependence upon us as the ones who make His presence known and felt in His world. Each year on Rosh Hashanah, "all inhabitants of the world pass before G-d like a flock of sheep," and it is decreed in the heavenly court, "who shall live, and who shall die... who shall be impoverished, and who shall be enriched; who shall fall and who shall rise." But this is also the day we proclaim G-d King of the Universe. The Kabbalists teach that the continued existence of the universe is dependant upon the renewal of the divine desire for a world when we accept G-d's kingship each year on Rosh Hashanah.

The central observance of Rosh Hashanah is the sounding of the shofar, the ram's horn, which represents the trumpet blast of a people's coronation of their king. The cry of the shofar is also a call to repentance; for Rosh Hashanah is also the anniversary of man's first sin and his repentance thereof, and serves as the first of the "Ten Days of Repentance" which culminate in Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Another significance of the shofar is to recall the Binding of Isaac which also occurred on Rosh Hashanah, in which a ram took Isaac's place as an offering to G-d; we evoke Abraham's readiness to sacrifice his son and plead that the merit of his deed should stand by us as we pray for a year of life, health and prosperity. Altogether, the shofar is sounded 100 times in the course of the Rosh Hashanah service.

Additional Rosh Hashanah observances include: a) Eating a piece of apple dipped in honey to symbolize our desire for a sweet year, and other special foods symbolic of the new year's blessings. b) Blessing one another with the words Leshanah tovah tikateiv veteichateim, "May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year." c) Tashlich, a special prayer said near a body of water (an ocean, river, pond, etc.) in evocation of the verse, "And You shall cast their sins into the depths of the sea." And as with every major Jewish holiday after candlelighting and prayers we recite Kiddush and make a blessing on the Challah.
May you be sealed and inscribed for a good and sweet year.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Nobody realized "violence and extremism" are problems until Iran pointed it out. If only everyone would listen to Iran . . .

The title of this little IRNA gem is "President: World seeing Iran's warnings on extremism to come true." Savor the sentence beginning "We introduced":
Iranian President Hassan Rouhani underlined that Iran had warned against the emergence of extremism in the world.

'We introduced violence and extremism as important problems of the world,' President Rouhani said upon his arrival in New York's John F Kennedy Airport on Monday evening.

'Now everyone sees that what havoc the extremists are creating in the world and I hope we talk about this issue and the ways for confronting it this year,' he added.

He expressed the hope that his visit to New York will be useful, and said, 'The purpose of this visit is clarifying Iran's stances and making them heard to the people of the world.' [...]

Sunday, September 14, 2014

"Basij Commander: ISIL Taking Orders from White House" (Fars News)

From our potential ally against ISIL:
Commander of Iran's Basij (volunteer) force Brigadier General Mohammad Reza Naqdi said the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) is under the command of the White House and has been created to implement the US plots in the region.

"The command center of the ISIL is in the White House; the US itself has created this cancerous tumor and deflected stream in the region, and its plan to fight the ISIL is also the continuation of the same evil plot that it has pursued so far," Naqdi said, addressing a ceremony in the Central province of Yazd on Sunday.

He elaborated on the US goals of creating the ISIL, and said the first goal is displaying a fake face of Islam, which has been attained by the ISIL's inhuman and savage crimes in the region and releasing their images and footages in the world media; the second goal is sowing discord among the Shiites and Sunnis; the third and most important goal of the US is preventing the spread of the Islamic Revolution in the world and its recruitment of anti-arrogance forces.

Naqdi described another goal of Washington as preparing the ground for the US military intervention and deployment of its forces in the Middle-East.

Naqdi had also earlier lashed out at the US and Israel for sponsoring the ISIL.

"The criminal US created, equipped and armed the ISIL terrorist group with the help of the wicked Britain and the child-killing Zionist regime as well the petrodollars of oil-rich countries and they ordered it (ISIL) to carry out crimes and large-scale massacre of Shiites and Sunnis and disrupt their tranquility on the pretext of a sectarian Sunni war on Shiites," General Naqdi said, addressing a gathering of thousands of Basijis in Lorestan province on Wednesday.

He noted that the western countries wanted to introduce a tainted image of Islam to the world by displaying horrible crimes and savage wickedness against children, women and innocent people with extreme brutality and savagery in a bid to harness the huge waves of Islamism and tendency for Islam in the world, specially the western countries.

General Naqdi reiterated that the arrogant powers had created the ISIL and every now and then they attacked the terrorists to portray that they were fighting terrorism while the American, British and Israeli military advisors were supporting them in the battlefield.

"The outcome of the actions of this terrorist current in Syria was unprecedented as it caused people's high turnout in that country's presidential election, which set as yet another example of the inefficiency of weapons and the victory of the resistance movement against the global arrogance," he added.