Democratic Presidential hopeful Barack Obama announced on Friday, "with some sadness," that he was stipulating that all affiliations and personal relationships were retroactively renounced as of today in the event that any of his associates, friends, or family members makes statements or is revealed to have made statements that "totally conflict with my long-held views, statements and principles."
The sub-atomic physics community hailed this development as an unprecedented opportunity to test certain theories. Explained Professor Faivish Shimmelfarb of M.I.T., "The retroactive nature of the denunciation means that some of the people in Senator Obama's life are thrown under the bus right at this moment although there is no way to observe this fact. This creates a number of parallel universes. In some of them, for instance, Michelle Obama is now under the bus and in some of them she isn't."
Professor Shimmelfarb continued, "Anyone who seeks to criticize Senator Obama for his relationship with Rashid Khalidi, Edward Said Professor of Arab Studies at Columbia University, for instance, can now be told that Khalidi is, in fact, residing under the bus in a parallel universe which has just as much reality as the present one. And that's change you can believe in."
Crossposted on Soccer Dad
Update: Somewhat along the same lines.
Update: This is beyond anyone's power of satire. Obama is not taking any chances choosing a new church right away. He actually told reporters, in reference to his delayed church choice, "We don't know how this nomination is going to go. We don't know how the remainder of the election is going to go."