Thursday, April 19, 2007

The unreachable hair

I don't think I have ever posted anything from the "Quad-City Times" before. According to this, "The Quad Cities rests on the banks of the Mighty Mississippi River and share a population of 400,000. The region is made up of Davenport and Bettendorf in Iowa and Moline/East Moline and Rock Island in Illinois, and surrounding communities." In any event, this is a region with knowledgeable barbers:
Quad-City barbers put down their shears and sputtered words like “preposterous” and “impossible” Wednesday when they heard of Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards spending $400 for a haircut. In the Quad-Cities, $10 or $12 is about average.

“If I charged $400 for a haircut, they’d come after me with white coats,” said Leo Fier, who has been cutting hair for 49 years at his shop in DeWitt, Iowa.

Edwards’ campaign committee filed a financial report with the Federal Election Commission noting that the White House hopeful paid $400 for haircuts in California and New Hampshire, and $248 for salon services in Dubuque, Iowa.

“That’s impossible, $400,” said Don “Dutchman” Braafhart, who runs Dutchman’s Barbershop in Davenport. [...]

This calls for a song-parody:

To preen the impossible preen
To pay the unchargeable fee
To hire the Rembrandt of barbers
To sit where the bald dare not be

To wield all the barberly art
To rinse pure and chaste from afar
To try when your ends are all splitting
Subdue the uncombable part

This is my quest
To manage that mane
No matter that have-nots
Will think that it's vain

To fight for the puff
Without question or clash
To be willing to march into Supercuts
Loaded with cash

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my hair will lie perfect and straight
And I'll look my best

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with Nair
Still strove with his last ounce of hairspray
To reach the unreachable hair

(Hat Tip: Drudge)

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