Yeshiva World News issues Purim drinking guidelines

As a public service to our Litvish brethren, I have taken the liberty of posting here the drinking-related section of the Yeshiva World News post "Hilchos Uminhagei Purim":

The Gemarah tells us that one must get sufficiently drunk on Purim so as not to be able to tell the difference between the Cursed Haman and the Blessed Mordechai. Halachically speaking all the Poskim seem to imply that one should drink more than usual. The extent of the additional drinking permitted is, however, a matter of debate. The consensus of the Poskim is that it is not the amount one drinks that makes a difference. It is the intention that matters. One’s intentions in drinking must be LeShem Shamayim (for the sake of Heaven – to fulfill a Mitzva).

1. As it is Assur (forbidden) to plan to do anything that will cause damage to oneself or to others intentionally, it is thus forbidden to drink more than one can safely handle. In this regard one must err on the side of caution and drink only what one is certain one can handle.

[*] If one doesn’t know if one can handle drinking one should not drink more than one does for Kiddush.

2. The Rama suggests that one can fulfill one’s obligation by drinking a very small amount (minimally more than they do for Kiddush) and then go to sleep.

For those of you who will be attending a Chabad Seudas Purim, here is a timely message:

Barf! huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
Barf! huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again, y'all

Barf! huh, Gevalt!
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Ohhh, Barf, I reprove
Because it means destruction
Of innocent booze

Barf means tears
When mothers view the muddle
With their sons face down
In a single-malt puddle

I said, Barf! huh
Gevalt, y'all
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

Barf! Gevalt!
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf! it ain't nothing
But a tragedy
Barf, friend only to the distillery
Ooooh, Barf
It's an enemy to all Yid-kind
The point of barf blows my mind
Barf has caused unrest
Within the younger generation
Engorgement then disgorgement
Who wants to barf
Aaaaah, barf-huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it, say it, say it
Barf! huh
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf, huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh
Barf, huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again y'all
Barf! huh, Gevalt
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf, it ain't nothing but bad for Jewry
Barf, it's got one friend
That's the brewery
Ooooh, barf has shattered
Many a young man's seuda
Made him discolored, bitter and putrid
Purim is much too short and precious
To spend unconscious these days
Barf can't give simcha
It can only take it away

Ooooh, Barf! huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

Barf, whoa, Gevalt
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

Barf, it ain't nothing but bad for Jewry
Barf, friend only to the brewery
Simcha, joy and moderation
Tell me, is there no place for them today
They say we must binge to have our simchah
Hashem knows there's got to be a better way

Ooooooh, Barf! huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
You tell me
Say it, say it, say it, say it

Barf, huh
Gevalt y'all
What is it good for
Stand up and shout it
Nothing

Judeopundit recommends making a reasonable number lechaims in the spirit of fun and moderation and keeping down your Seudas Purim. Freilechen Purim! (Other Purim parody posts.)

Update: The latest Haveil Havalim is a Purim indulgence that won't stop you from keeping your Seuda down.