Today in Iran vast public ceremonies marked the mass conversion of the entire Muslim population to the Church of Scientology. There seems to be no single reason for this puzzling event, but rather the seemingly-random simultaneous convergence of a number of motivations at once. Most common reasons given for the conversion include the following:
1. Tired of waiting for the 12th Imam.
2. The Ayatolla has been a closet Scientologist for years.
3. Now the world will really be scared when we get nukes.
4. What's the point of being Muslim if you can't be Sunni?
5. The existence of the Prophet cartoons was making life unbearable.
6. We wanted to surprise Ahmadinejad when he gets back from Malaysia.
L. Ron Hubbard could not be reached for comment.